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One Side: Beth

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. During meals out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when strangers see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She creates video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. Sometimes I'm captured while dining, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed later, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to someone else, or we're simply hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has transformed into me serving as her free crew. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my unease about the situation, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to several brand events, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend helping her make content.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my career in design, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don't believe she's insincere or dishonest, but sometimes I feel that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with another. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I love being with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an audience. I’m not a prop for her online persona.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I want my friend to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about shooting content. It’s not just a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your passions. I admire people on social platforms who execute that style of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of living actively: observing the nuances, sharing them with an audience that appreciates the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my way of offering access, giving her a chance to witness exclusive moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it's simply being realistic.

I would take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see the benefits the work we make together can achieve: an opening. I know not all people likes being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Being recorded occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I would delete anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but companions support one another in small ways. My assumption was recording a clip here or there would be enjoyable for Beth. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I would never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I cherish our friendship profoundly and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like requesting permission before recording, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about power, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I experience life and I want her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop recording herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a companion point a camera at you. I understand that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Maybe she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the uncertain future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is content. She needs to honor Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy making content and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your friendship. Create some authentic memories, where genuine feelings are stored, not digital scrapbooks. Even public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing defined limits around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been over-exposing their friendship?